I get it God! (The short story that went long)

(This is long)

I woke up last Sunday with the realization that I had become that which I thought, or tried to never become.   A statistic.  Many who follow my twitter feed saw my remark about that before church.  I had spent many days in chapel service while attending Clear Creek Baptist Bible College where the speaker would share the depression information that a high percentage of men going into the pastorate would burn out, be forced out, or just plain lose interest in the first 2 to 4 years.  After a long hard battle against the powers of "tradition" I had become one of those numbers.  About ready to give up completely.  Not sure which end was up, and frankly, in a nice self induced pity party about it all.

Then God started to do that which is he so good at when we like to sit in our own pile of self produced misery.  He sort of . . stomped on my toes.

Let's see if I can set up some history here.  Ill try to be brief (and that statement probably means I'll get long winded :P )  After we resigned at Live Oak we started attending a church in Yuba City.  A good friend of mine, Bob Veach, has been youth pastor there for several years.  And they had a new pastor who was my age, and he played wow.  *smile*  Things seemed to be going good, even though I was fully aware of history of this church, knowing it was much like the church I had just left.

Sadly, the struggles that this body had several years ago had not been dealt with and they have slipped back into the territorial, we want things the way they used to be at all cost it does not matter what you or anyone else thinks, frame of mind.  (run on sentence FTW)  Any progress that had taken place in the year before had suddenly, and rapidly started to roll backwards.  I was a little frustrated but called up Todd one morning to have coffee.  While we sat and talked about wow I also began to share with him that I was ready to help in any way I could at the church.  Still not sure if enough time had passed, but I did not want to see the same thing happen again.

So. . . a couple months later Todd accepts a call to a church in Southern California and my first gut response is "good for you, gee thanks."  As soon as Todd moved things at the church slipped backwards as if you pulled the plug on a full sink of water.  The sucking sound was deafening!  The old power plays started right up and a major polarization developed.

Now before I continue I need to step back and try to explain some things for those who read my blog that do not know God in a personal relationship.  PLEASE DO NOT JUDGE GOD BY THE CHURCH!  A phrase I have uttered a few times in the past 6 months (may be considered blasphemous to some but hear the meaning not the words) is that I love God, its just his people I could do without sometimes.  The church, today, is like any other organization when it takes its eyes off of what its about.  And to many of the churches in the US have lost sight of why they are here.  So please.  Do not turn from God and know that He has a plan, as you will see.  (And I just realised I am preaching to myself again :P )

Bob had suddenly gained the full responsibility of day to day administration again.  A very large burden, especially when one side of the polarization refuses to allow him to have the authortiy that his possition holds.  He was hurting, he was searching, he was  . . . I could feel . . close to the point I was a few months prior.  But I could do nothing to help.  The sting of Todd leaving caused me to withdraw into my shell again for protection.  A basic instinct developed when put in harms way over and over.  I was unable to help Bob even though I wished I could.

So . . . so much for keeping it short eh?

Sunday morning I awoke with Bob, the church, not wanting to put my family through another church where they simply did not understand, nor wish to be relevant to a world around them on my mind.  Just that week they had told Bob they wanted to cut his salery, and they where in the proccess of making a lot of changes with the finances.  I was ready to tell Tanya we needed to go somewhere else.  But I had no idea where.  All I knew at that point was I was done. . Realized I was a statistic and was ready to quit all together.

I was quite the whole drive to church, really not wanting to be there, feeling a knot in my stomach about conflict, just wishing to get through Sunday morning to get it over with.  Walked in the door late, Bob saw me and asked if I was ok.  I told him truthfully, "not really, and neither are you.  But we will get through it somehow."  Then proceeded to fix a computer in the media room that had shut itself off. Bob and I then got a chance to talk.  I asked him about what was happening.  He has his resume out and I could tell his frustration.  Sunday School started and we had to move on.

Later Tanya found me and we began to walk around the church parking lot.  I asked told her what had happen, pretty much for the first time as I had been trying to insulate her some.  I then asked her what she thought.  That was my first mistake :P

She started with "I want you to read this book"  I jumped in Just tell me what you think!  She began to point out that possibly God had put us through all of the hard times to prepare us and move us to something else.  She herself had not been open to the idea that I had started to feel a few weeks earlier while at the church camp and many of these issues where being discussed.  She said, maybe God wants us to do something new?

I grabbed my phone and sent a text message to Bob's wife Michelle while we walked.  "Tanya and I are walking the parking lot talking.  Pray about something new"

We head into church.  My mind sort of swimming, knowing what God was getting at.  Then it got worst.  First the video that was played, finishing up our emphases on the California State Missions offering showed a young man with a new work.  Then I sat next to the other male singer in the praise group and he started to talk about how great Sunday School was. The lesson was on the talents.  The 1, 2 and 5.  Then during the service Pete read from Jame, about trials.

I nearly tossed up my hands and yelled "Ok God.  I get it!"

It's time.  I have nothing to lose.  Others might. . but its time.

Please be in prayer as Bob and I begin to pray and talk to others.

I will sit down and write out another post on what I think God wants.  How I think using all the tools at our hands can help us help others.

And if you have not already, please get on Twitter.  Follow me and ill follow you.